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I now have to come back to a time and a space of which I have forgotten a lot! I mean because a lot of times we don’t want to hold on to a lot of things. Why should we? If we had a recollection of each and every thing that went on in our lives I believe we would truly go crazy and lose what faculties we do have. I had stopped for a period of time writing only because it had flooded me with good and bad. But I am back 2yrs later to finish what I started, my story on how I seen ATL and what I did, and how my part played in the vicious circle of The Flip-Side!
When I left off I was speaking on “Mark” a young man that was very persistent in getting to “know me” which was just sex only. One thing I can say about ATL there are a lot of people (not all) that are “fronting” that they have life and love money, men and women all in the back of their pocket. And for a selective few this was true! But for a lot it wasn’t, if people had a gotten a bad taste in their mouths about Cali saying that the people are “all plastic” then so goes it for ATL. Just as Cali you had a lot of people who were very plastic, lived or showed you a life that was far from the truth. When I met people I could see that they were sharp well put together dressers. And then when you went to their home or around people whom were close to them it all told a different story! That was “I really don’t have a lot, I don’t and barely have money and holding on to a weak job. And all the connects I said I have are really not feeling me.” A mouth full huh? Again this was not everyone, but how can one tell if you are meeting a sleuth of people and they claim to be “the one” you should get to know and have.
I had finally given Mark a good final no! That I was not the woman he thought I was and he couldn’t tap, hit, have, lay any of this here! I was beginning to feel as if I didn’t sleep with Mark that he would rape me! How could a young man as fine as him be so hard up that he would feel he had to “take anything from me? Hey rapist come in all shapes and sizes, good looks bad looks money fame and non famous and broke!
I had managed to get Mark off of me and I could not stay at his home any longer, it was getting late and I was tired of going back and fourth. I had no car at this time and the trains had already stopped running. So I had to stay the night, for some odd reason I had thought that Mark would be a selective few where I would not have stayed or hung out with Mark at all. It is like ATL had you under a spell of sorts. Like some people just stayed in this catatonic heat!
I left Marks house bright and early run down because I didn’t get any sleep. Had I had a car I would have been able to get home but due to the fact that we didn’t get to his home after 11p.m. and we caught a cab. Mark did not want to see me leave and was begging me to stay and that he was sorry the way he acted. But I wasn’t, I now knew where and how I would place him in my life.
The hardest thing I cannot understand is a person who does not understand the word no! And it was Mark that kept texting for almost a week and not getting a response from me. He was persistent!!!! And ignoring him was not working! Then it became begging!! I could see how many women were turned off, but the once fresh clean cut young man I had met had now turned into a desperate stalker! And as many women as there were here in ATL why was he pressing me so hard? Then there was the apologizing and me turning him down saying we could not talk, call, text or anything and that seemed to make matters worse after the insistent calls and texting that he was being ignored.
It was down to the wire and we were about to hear who are president would be. And a shock to a lot of people that we had our first Black African-American president! Mark was at my home when it was announced and so was my daughter there in tow. My daughter thought that Mark was boring, see-thru, and didn’t have much character and she didn’t like him. The only thing that saved Mark and let him come over was the fact he had “brought gifts” After we had all hung out sipped wine, I was tired very tired so we all turned in for bed. Mark was told that he was to sleep in the living room me in my room and my daughter in her room whom said she had locked the door. Again it was around early morning that Mark comes into my room and asks me could he “have some” I told him no. Of course this was my fault, but for the life of me I could not figure out why he was so desperate to have sex with me, why was he so pressed and couldn’t he have chosen another woman? But I had begun to think that Mark was this desperate stalker! I only had him over because he “Promised” to be cool and that how he was acting wasn’t him he just found me so damn sexy and attractive! Really? Not buying it! Mark had made three attempts in my room and I had put him out! That was that, and I had to literally put “do not answer” on my phone where his name should or would have been. He joined several others who had begun to be stalkers!
It was later on while doing some marketing and promoting for my site that I had come across a man whom I thought (again) would be really cool. He just so happened to live about fifteen minutes away. Born in the same month with both of us having soooo much in common. Sense of humor, and we shared a lot of the same views. While we chatted and chatted and my daughter had chatted we invited him to come by. Of course your first impression of someone most times seems to be a good impression. Because they give you good face of course. I know now but I had no idea that “Will” was attracted to me or wanted a relationship with me or felt I was the only one who could relate to him. I find that odd, but I found this out after I had ditched him and he had seen me on chat and came in to chat with me. But that is far into the story which I don’t want to get into now.
I did learn and very quickly I may add that Will was a huge eccentric in the sexual arena. However I also found out that Will had a lot of dysfunctional issues that spewed over into his personal, mental and emotional life. So much in fact it confused him about love, relationships and what he should and shouldn’t be doing in his life.
Will first and foremost had gotten a bad rep. I had met a couple of people who actually knew and met him and did not bite their tongue in what they had to say about him! My mouth was open wide with the info I heard!
First Will did so much! He was a producer (a job he really did have making and selling music for advertisers- I was impressed) then on the side he was a male exotic performer, Will was a huge exhibitionist! He loved being naked and showing his body. This was his first vice. Though he didn’t have a bad body, but he didn’t have a muscular body one you would expect a male performer to have. Next was Will had all of these explosive and explicit sexual fantasies spinning in his head, too many in fact for him to be able to cipher and work on one at a time. And the next thing was Will thought of sex or had sex on the brain most of the day. There was always someone he was pursuing.
One thing Will had told me was that he use to help throw swinger parties with his frat brothers, so he says it was about money and he never got into the sexual side of it but all and still he threw these parties. He said he would perform at them (male exotic shows) he also was sort of I guess you could say a man Madame. He seemed to have frat brothers that were married so he would always FIND a woman for them to hook up with to have sex. And he also provided his home for some raucous behavior. He loved watching he told me, “I just can’t sleep with any and everybody” This was really not the root of the problem. I later found out that Will had many more issues.
Will had asked me to do some pretty way out stuff for a person who had just met me. He asked me to call a few of my GF’s and ask if we could drive over there homes, honk the horn and have them come outside and be a judge to rather he had a big penis or not. (Confused) I had tilted my head to the side when I had heard this request. Who does this? Who would think like this? Can you imagine someone honking a horn, you come outside and judge what a man/woman’s private looks like and then go back in the house? I told him that I would not call any of my associates with such non-sense and I didn’t know anyone who would do that. I told him that he needed to ask his friends. He said that he has done that already. So I am sitting here thinking how much more validation do you need about how big or small you are? Of course I had not seen it, but he had told me that he was happy with it and that because he wanted to extend his audience more and start dancing in clubs. And that there were a lot of men that danced in ATL as male performers. Now you must understand that these men stripped down to nothing! And I can surely tell you that they do not do that in the clubs in Cali unless you are having a “private party”
So you see Will had told me that there were men whom he knew were larger than he was and from what I gathered he was intimidated. Really? So then I started thinking. And my thinking went many different ways! Was Will gay or down-low?
Will had asked me to do many crazy off the wall things that were very peculiar to me. He had asked me if I would have sex with his married frat brother because his wife was not giving him the type of sex he wanted (oral) and the women whom he had been with were all “low-life’s” and gave him a hard time. But I was a mature well rounded woman whom he believed I would be perfect and that I would get paid every time we had sex. Of course that was a no!!! And I was also asked if we all three could have sex, and if I would have sex with his frat brother and he watch!!! Now of course Will told me that his frat brother was asking him to ask me! He had left his business card with me, which I clearly tore up. I felt they were both at the center of it in my opinion.
It was one day that Will had asked me if we could have sex together, at this point and time I hadn’t been with anyone in over a month. The lover I had was having major ex-wife issues, child support, money, and job and home issues. And it was not going to work out at all.
I was shocked that Will had got his Janis backpack and low and behold inside of it he had put a……
My time is up, but hopefully you will catch up with me again for the 11th episode of Erotic Cities the Flip-side…. I am back giving you the full skimmy!
06/2011
Just Toy
Written Expressions
Showing posts with label writing poetry sex self help jpurnal article column weekly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing poetry sex self help jpurnal article column weekly. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 18, 2009
EPISODE FOUR -SWINGERS CONTINUED
SWINGERS CONTINUED
Swinging is nothing new, orgies is what they are called. However swingers are those who live openly with their mate if they have one. They have a clear understanding that they can host parties themselves, or go to parties and their spouse or significant other can have sex with anyone they want to. Seems like a great arrangement if you truly have a partner that is not insecure and has just as an open mind as you are. You can have as many men and women as you can stand and go home and be happy! Sounds good doesn’t it! And if it works for you, then I say go for it.
Now there was one day that a very close friend of mine and I were sitting in her living room. I was on the laptop looking up some things and I said, “You know I want to go see what a swingers club is like.” She said, “Look on the internet and see if you can find a place we can go to. I want to see what it is like too.” We went, and it was very have eerie and different, all these people were here to have sex! And it felt as if I was on an auction block. My girlfriend, myself, and one of my ex’s had come along; he drove us to our destination.
Though we did not participate, my ex was all engrossed at the party. I had found myself going to these swingers set two more times, and still I did not participate. Is it because it was so dark and eerie there? I think so, and after that, I had never gone back. It was not my cup of tea, or was it?
The company I had worked for was experiencing a seasonal down time. And when they had this seasonal down time the company would send people home because it was slow. I was on the list to be sent home early as so were others. One of my co-workers had offered me a ride to the train station. As we drove the streets of Atlanta, she asked me if I would mind if she stopped by her father’s house with her. I had no pressing engagements at the time, so as we talked and shared we soon pulled up in front of her father’s home.
When we pulled up I was so impressed by the outside of the home, and even more impressed with the décor of the inside. Her father and his significant other were warm welcoming and inviting. I felt a different energy when he looked at me or spoke to me. At the time I could not place my finger on it. But he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, well not that comfortable. Was his significant other feeling the strange vibes I was feeling?
Later there was a younger gentleman that had come into the house. Not an appealing man, well not to me. However he was impeccably dressed and when he came into the sunroom which we were all sitting. He handed me a flier, I looked at it. And it was a flier to come out to a “meet & greet” I see that the flier had a woman and a man on it. So I instantly I saw the red flag and instantly knew that it was for an adult party. A swinger’s party! I had told my co-workers father and the gentleman that I was not interested in coming. My co-workers father said that I would really have a good time. And this was just a meet and greet. I never knew that there were gatherings that were hosted for such events. A meet and greet is not the place that the party would be held at. It was an event where you could warm up, “get to know” the person you were attracted to and have sex with. And to meet the people that attend the parties and were apart of the “social network group”
I really didn’t know how to feel at this point. Was I being scouted out? Was I again being placed on an auction block for someone else’s pleasure? Did I not feel an overwhelming dysfunction when I started my job with all the men that seemed to come from nowhere pursuing me for sex? Was this ever going to stop?
This is when I now understood why my co-workers father was putting the indifferent energy in the air. One that I could not place a finger on at that moment. He and his significant other of more than four years were into sharing!
When we left and were now in the car was when my co-worker explained what her father was about and the money that he had made by giving these parties. She also revealed that she had a dislike for his lifestyle. But she loved him none the less. Funny, because if she was in such array of what her father was doing. And had painted herself to be such an angel, positive, politically correct. She may have not approved of what he was doing. But she was a bit rambunctious herself, she had three affairs at the company and was there for a very short time. Less than three months, and she also had a dislike for sleeping with women is what she had stated to me. But then on the other hand, (and there is that saying never let the right hand know what the left hand is doing) she had a lust for women as well, group sex and she was also prostituted by one of the male co-workers for his out of town guest! Of course this was something I later found out. Much later.
Follow me when I say this, everyone seemed to have some sort of part-time job, hustle (which they were not illegal) in the city of Atlanta. Some were promoters, IT field, made or sold clothing, landscapers, business consultants, repairmen. So it seems everyone had a way of making extra money.
There of course is a part two to all of this. Again I rode with my co-worker to her dad’s house because she wanted to pick up a package from her fathers home. I was not bothered by going over there again, it was exactly two weeks to the date that I had my first visit and met her father. When I walked in the door the greeting was much more different than the last. The last meeting her father and significant other told me of all the things they were involved in, the people that they knew, how wonderful Atlanta was, and that me being a writer they could introduce me to a lot of people that could assist me with publishing my book and how I could pay for my own barcode and copyrights that were on all books. So my first visit was not about the “meet and greet” This was after we had an informative conversation.
I was first greeted by my co-workers father, he was all smiles and in a very upbeat mood. So was his significant other. This was the night of their event, their “party” they hosted twice a month. Now to be very honest with you, I had now been in Atlanta for almost a year. And I was trying to figure out how could I make “extra money” and because so many people were sex driven here. I was thinking of doing the same thing as the Romans were doing. Host swinger parties, why not? I am a very creative person, my parties were going to be adult kiddy parties with themes, adult games, food, and you could buy your drinks at my bar. I would be the Bob Barker of the party. Like a cheerleader, I was not interested in watching nor participating, I just wanted the money. Do you see now how I was now being pulled without thought to my present discomfort and drug (sex)?
They were both so excited, and this is when my co-workers father said, “You should come by tonight. Trust me that you will have a great time.” My reply was, “I do not have any money.” “Don’t worry you will be my guest, and I will make sure that you get home.” I was now interested in coming, I wanted to see of his party was any different from the party I had gone to before. So I went home, showered and dressed down. Nothing too flashy, and I didn’t wear any revealing clothes at all. I purposely dressed down, the reason why because I was only going to kick back and observe.
They did not allow smoking in the house, so they let their guest smoke in the sunroom. I sat there most of the night, well all of the night. As I walked in people were already there. And it was about maybe fifteen or so people there already. I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a drink, spoke and went into the sunroom. I knew now that, let me give him a name, “John” (my co-workers father) wanted to have sex with me.
The sunroom was directly off of the foyer by the front door. And it seemed that the doorbell rang if not every five minutes then it was ten. People were all smiles, happy to be there. They were coming in droves! I sat back and was now counting the money, I was no longer interested in watching a show, and no longer thinking of this was a den of lust. John had to have made $1,500 or more from this party. And as I sat there listening and observing watching people smoke and drink. I was amazed at how comfortable these people were, this was not how it was when I went to the swinger’s party back home. This seemed more like a house party of sort. There was music playing at an acceptable volume, people seemed to be very familiar with one another, no one was looking at anyone as if they were a piece of meet. Hmm I thought, this is very different, and now my mind was moving quickly. I can do this and add my own flair with this. If these people are greedy to have hot sex on a platter, then I will give it to them!
At this point and time I had now officially stepped into the sexual circuit. Let me say this, I have been behind the scenes of the entertainment business. I started a business with exotic performers, models, and escorting business. Which turned more into a business in where I provided extras for TV shows, and models for different events. I was now linked in with Personal assistants, and various popular cable shows. They were now all calling my phone. I have even provided girls for recording artist music videos. I went into this business feeling, thinking that I had a chance to put some decorum in this business. No prostitutes, no disrespect for the women that worked with me. Most were highly intelligent young women. However, after a very short time in the business I had started I was now overwhelmed by the drugs, drinking, loose sex, having to mother the young girls it seems all the time. I had promoted to different people and businesses. So it was at his time that I had now started going to lesbian bars, had now befriended gay men who helped me in my business. And soon was going to gay bars and clubs with men, and with my female associates.
This opened up so many doors, eyes, truths and experience. I was open with my sexuality, comfortable with my fetishes and fantasies. However, I was not one to exhibit things so publicly. So throwing myself and exhibiting raw behavior around a lot of people was never my thing. Affection and sneaking off somewhere in a secluded place was more my thing. The thrill of getting caught, being spontaneous with my lover and adventuress.
But too much sexual aggression is overwhelming for me. Only because I have been a victim of rape and a child who was molested by a neighbor and my cousin. My parents knew none of this was going on. So they say, therapist that is. That most people who have been in that position either reframe from sex or become overly zealous with it. I was the one who became over zealous with it. But if I felt that you were coming on too strong as the men did here in Erotic City of Atlanta. I was turned off and felt violated.
That is my time again, it seems as if it goes so fast. However, I will as usual pick up from whence I have left off.
Just Toy
5/2009
www.justtoywrittenexpressions.com
Swinging is nothing new, orgies is what they are called. However swingers are those who live openly with their mate if they have one. They have a clear understanding that they can host parties themselves, or go to parties and their spouse or significant other can have sex with anyone they want to. Seems like a great arrangement if you truly have a partner that is not insecure and has just as an open mind as you are. You can have as many men and women as you can stand and go home and be happy! Sounds good doesn’t it! And if it works for you, then I say go for it.
Now there was one day that a very close friend of mine and I were sitting in her living room. I was on the laptop looking up some things and I said, “You know I want to go see what a swingers club is like.” She said, “Look on the internet and see if you can find a place we can go to. I want to see what it is like too.” We went, and it was very have eerie and different, all these people were here to have sex! And it felt as if I was on an auction block. My girlfriend, myself, and one of my ex’s had come along; he drove us to our destination.
Though we did not participate, my ex was all engrossed at the party. I had found myself going to these swingers set two more times, and still I did not participate. Is it because it was so dark and eerie there? I think so, and after that, I had never gone back. It was not my cup of tea, or was it?
The company I had worked for was experiencing a seasonal down time. And when they had this seasonal down time the company would send people home because it was slow. I was on the list to be sent home early as so were others. One of my co-workers had offered me a ride to the train station. As we drove the streets of Atlanta, she asked me if I would mind if she stopped by her father’s house with her. I had no pressing engagements at the time, so as we talked and shared we soon pulled up in front of her father’s home.
When we pulled up I was so impressed by the outside of the home, and even more impressed with the décor of the inside. Her father and his significant other were warm welcoming and inviting. I felt a different energy when he looked at me or spoke to me. At the time I could not place my finger on it. But he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, well not that comfortable. Was his significant other feeling the strange vibes I was feeling?
Later there was a younger gentleman that had come into the house. Not an appealing man, well not to me. However he was impeccably dressed and when he came into the sunroom which we were all sitting. He handed me a flier, I looked at it. And it was a flier to come out to a “meet & greet” I see that the flier had a woman and a man on it. So I instantly I saw the red flag and instantly knew that it was for an adult party. A swinger’s party! I had told my co-workers father and the gentleman that I was not interested in coming. My co-workers father said that I would really have a good time. And this was just a meet and greet. I never knew that there were gatherings that were hosted for such events. A meet and greet is not the place that the party would be held at. It was an event where you could warm up, “get to know” the person you were attracted to and have sex with. And to meet the people that attend the parties and were apart of the “social network group”
I really didn’t know how to feel at this point. Was I being scouted out? Was I again being placed on an auction block for someone else’s pleasure? Did I not feel an overwhelming dysfunction when I started my job with all the men that seemed to come from nowhere pursuing me for sex? Was this ever going to stop?
This is when I now understood why my co-workers father was putting the indifferent energy in the air. One that I could not place a finger on at that moment. He and his significant other of more than four years were into sharing!
When we left and were now in the car was when my co-worker explained what her father was about and the money that he had made by giving these parties. She also revealed that she had a dislike for his lifestyle. But she loved him none the less. Funny, because if she was in such array of what her father was doing. And had painted herself to be such an angel, positive, politically correct. She may have not approved of what he was doing. But she was a bit rambunctious herself, she had three affairs at the company and was there for a very short time. Less than three months, and she also had a dislike for sleeping with women is what she had stated to me. But then on the other hand, (and there is that saying never let the right hand know what the left hand is doing) she had a lust for women as well, group sex and she was also prostituted by one of the male co-workers for his out of town guest! Of course this was something I later found out. Much later.
Follow me when I say this, everyone seemed to have some sort of part-time job, hustle (which they were not illegal) in the city of Atlanta. Some were promoters, IT field, made or sold clothing, landscapers, business consultants, repairmen. So it seems everyone had a way of making extra money.
There of course is a part two to all of this. Again I rode with my co-worker to her dad’s house because she wanted to pick up a package from her fathers home. I was not bothered by going over there again, it was exactly two weeks to the date that I had my first visit and met her father. When I walked in the door the greeting was much more different than the last. The last meeting her father and significant other told me of all the things they were involved in, the people that they knew, how wonderful Atlanta was, and that me being a writer they could introduce me to a lot of people that could assist me with publishing my book and how I could pay for my own barcode and copyrights that were on all books. So my first visit was not about the “meet and greet” This was after we had an informative conversation.
I was first greeted by my co-workers father, he was all smiles and in a very upbeat mood. So was his significant other. This was the night of their event, their “party” they hosted twice a month. Now to be very honest with you, I had now been in Atlanta for almost a year. And I was trying to figure out how could I make “extra money” and because so many people were sex driven here. I was thinking of doing the same thing as the Romans were doing. Host swinger parties, why not? I am a very creative person, my parties were going to be adult kiddy parties with themes, adult games, food, and you could buy your drinks at my bar. I would be the Bob Barker of the party. Like a cheerleader, I was not interested in watching nor participating, I just wanted the money. Do you see now how I was now being pulled without thought to my present discomfort and drug (sex)?
They were both so excited, and this is when my co-workers father said, “You should come by tonight. Trust me that you will have a great time.” My reply was, “I do not have any money.” “Don’t worry you will be my guest, and I will make sure that you get home.” I was now interested in coming, I wanted to see of his party was any different from the party I had gone to before. So I went home, showered and dressed down. Nothing too flashy, and I didn’t wear any revealing clothes at all. I purposely dressed down, the reason why because I was only going to kick back and observe.
They did not allow smoking in the house, so they let their guest smoke in the sunroom. I sat there most of the night, well all of the night. As I walked in people were already there. And it was about maybe fifteen or so people there already. I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a drink, spoke and went into the sunroom. I knew now that, let me give him a name, “John” (my co-workers father) wanted to have sex with me.
The sunroom was directly off of the foyer by the front door. And it seemed that the doorbell rang if not every five minutes then it was ten. People were all smiles, happy to be there. They were coming in droves! I sat back and was now counting the money, I was no longer interested in watching a show, and no longer thinking of this was a den of lust. John had to have made $1,500 or more from this party. And as I sat there listening and observing watching people smoke and drink. I was amazed at how comfortable these people were, this was not how it was when I went to the swinger’s party back home. This seemed more like a house party of sort. There was music playing at an acceptable volume, people seemed to be very familiar with one another, no one was looking at anyone as if they were a piece of meet. Hmm I thought, this is very different, and now my mind was moving quickly. I can do this and add my own flair with this. If these people are greedy to have hot sex on a platter, then I will give it to them!
At this point and time I had now officially stepped into the sexual circuit. Let me say this, I have been behind the scenes of the entertainment business. I started a business with exotic performers, models, and escorting business. Which turned more into a business in where I provided extras for TV shows, and models for different events. I was now linked in with Personal assistants, and various popular cable shows. They were now all calling my phone. I have even provided girls for recording artist music videos. I went into this business feeling, thinking that I had a chance to put some decorum in this business. No prostitutes, no disrespect for the women that worked with me. Most were highly intelligent young women. However, after a very short time in the business I had started I was now overwhelmed by the drugs, drinking, loose sex, having to mother the young girls it seems all the time. I had promoted to different people and businesses. So it was at his time that I had now started going to lesbian bars, had now befriended gay men who helped me in my business. And soon was going to gay bars and clubs with men, and with my female associates.
This opened up so many doors, eyes, truths and experience. I was open with my sexuality, comfortable with my fetishes and fantasies. However, I was not one to exhibit things so publicly. So throwing myself and exhibiting raw behavior around a lot of people was never my thing. Affection and sneaking off somewhere in a secluded place was more my thing. The thrill of getting caught, being spontaneous with my lover and adventuress.
But too much sexual aggression is overwhelming for me. Only because I have been a victim of rape and a child who was molested by a neighbor and my cousin. My parents knew none of this was going on. So they say, therapist that is. That most people who have been in that position either reframe from sex or become overly zealous with it. I was the one who became over zealous with it. But if I felt that you were coming on too strong as the men did here in Erotic City of Atlanta. I was turned off and felt violated.
That is my time again, it seems as if it goes so fast. However, I will as usual pick up from whence I have left off.
Just Toy
5/2009
www.justtoywrittenexpressions.com
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
EROTIC CITIES THE FLIP-SIDE EPISODE FOUR SWINGERS CONT
EROTIC CITIES THE FLIP-SIDE
THE DIRTY DIRTY SOUTH
EPISODE FOUR
SWINGERS CONTINUED
Swinging is nothing new, orgies is what they are called. However swingers are those who live openly with their mate if they have one. They have a clear understanding that they can host parties themselves, or go to parties and their spouse or significant other can have sex with anyone they want to. Seems like a great arrangement if you truly have a partner that is not insecure and has just as an open mind as you are. You can have as many men and women as you can stand and go home and be happy! Sounds good doesn’t it! And if it works for you, then I say go for it.
Now there was one day that a very close friend of mine and I were sitting in her living room. I was on the laptop looking up some things and I said, “You know I want to go see what a swingers club is like.” She said, “Look on the internet and see if you can find a place we can go to. I want to see what it is like too.” We went, and it was very have eerie and different, all these people were here to have sex! And it felt as if I was on an auction block. My girlfriend, myself, and one of my ex’s had come along; he drove us to our destination.
Though we did not participate, my ex was all engrossed at the party. I had found myself going to these swingers set two more times, and still I did not participate. Is it because it was so dark and eerie there? I think so, and after that, I had never gone back. It was not my cup of tea, or was it?
The company I had worked for was experiencing a seasonal down time. And when they had this seasonal down time the company would send people home because it was slow. I was on the list to be sent home early as so were others. One of my co-workers had offered me a ride to the train station. As we drove the streets of Atlanta, she asked me if I would mind if she stopped by her father’s house with her. I had no pressing engagements at the time, so as we talked and shared we soon pulled up in front of her father’s home.
When we pulled up I was so impressed by the outside of the home, and even more impressed with the décor of the inside. Her father and his significant other were warm welcoming and inviting. I felt a different energy when he looked at me or spoke to me. At the time I could not place my finger on it. But he didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, well not that comfortable. Was his significant other feeling the strange vibes I was feeling?
Later there was a younger gentleman that had come into the house. Not an appealing man, well not to me. However he was impeccably dressed and when he came into the sunroom which we were all sitting. He handed me a flier, I looked at it. And it was a flier to come out to a “meet & greet” I see that the flier had a woman and a man on it. So I instantly I saw the red flag and instantly knew that it was for an adult party. A swinger’s party! I had told my co-workers father and the gentleman that I was not interested in coming. My co-workers father said that I would really have a good time. And this was just a meet and greet. I never knew that there were gatherings that were hosted for such events. A meet and greet is not the place that the party would be held at. It was an event where you could warm up, “get to know” the person you were attracted to and have sex with. And to meet the people that attend the parties and were apart of the “social network group”
I really didn’t know how to feel at this point. Was I being scouted out? Was I again being placed on an auction block for someone else’s pleasure? Did I not feel an overwhelming dysfunction when I started my job with all the men that seemed to come from nowhere pursuing me for sex? Was this ever going to stop?
This is when I now understood why my co-workers father was putting the indifferent energy in the air. One that I could not place a finger on at that moment. He and his significant other of more than four years were into sharing!
When we left and were now in the car was when my co-worker explained what her father was about and the money that he had made by giving these parties. She also revealed that she had a dislike for his lifestyle. But she loved him none the less. Funny, because if she was in such array of what her father was doing. And had painted herself to be such an angel, positive, politically correct. She may have not approved of what he was doing. But she was a bit rambunctious herself, she had three affairs at the company and was there for a very short time. Less than three months, and she also had a dislike for sleeping with women is what she had stated to me. But then on the other hand, (and there is that saying never let the right hand know what the left hand is doing) she had a lust for women as well, group sex and she was also prostituted by one of the male co-workers for his out of town guest! Of course this was something I later found out. Much later.
Follow me when I say this, everyone seemed to have some sort of part-time job, hustle (which they were not illegal) in the city of Atlanta. Some were promoters, IT field, made or sold clothing, landscapers, business consultants, repairmen. So it seems everyone had a way of making extra money.
There of course is a part two to all of this. Again I rode with my co-worker to her dad’s house because she wanted to pick up a package from her fathers home. I was not bothered by going over there again, it was exactly two weeks to the date that I had my first visit and met her father. When I walked in the door the greeting was much more different than the last. The last meeting her father and significant other told me of all the things they were involved in, the people that they knew, how wonderful Atlanta was, and that me being a writer they could introduce me to a lot of people that could assist me with publishing my book and how I could pay for my own barcode and copyrights that were on all books. So my first visit was not about the “meet and greet” This was after we had an informative conversation.
I was first greeted by my co-workers father, he was all smiles and in a very upbeat mood. So was his significant other. This was the night of their event, their “party” they hosted twice a month. Now to be very honest with you, I had now been in Atlanta for almost a year. And I was trying to figure out how could I make “extra money” and because so many people were sex driven here. I was thinking of doing the same thing as the Romans were doing. Host swinger parties, why not? I am a very creative person, my parties were going to be adult kiddy parties with themes, adult games, food, and you could buy your drinks at my bar. I would be the Bob Barker of the party. Like a cheerleader, I was not interested in watching nor participating, I just wanted the money. Do you see now how I was now being pulled without thought to my present discomfort and drug (sex)?
They were both so excited, and this is when my co-workers father said, “You should come by tonight. Trust me that you will have a great time.” My reply was, “I do not have any money.” “Don’t worry you will be my guest, and I will make sure that you get home.” I was now interested in coming, I wanted to see of his party was any different from the party I had gone to before. So I went home, showered and dressed down. Nothing too flashy, and I didn’t wear any revealing clothes at all. I purposely dressed down, the reason why because I was only going to kick back and observe.
They did not allow smoking in the house, so they let their guest smoke in the sunroom. I sat there most of the night, well all of the night. As I walked in people were already there. And it was about maybe fifteen or so people there already. I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a drink, spoke and went into the sunroom. I knew now that, let me give him a name, “John” (my co-workers father) wanted to have sex with me.
The sunroom was directly off of the foyer by the front door. And it seemed that the doorbell rang if not every five minutes then it was ten. People were all smiles, happy to be there. They were coming in droves! I sat back and was now counting the money, I was no longer interested in watching a show, and no longer thinking of this was a den of lust. John had to have made $1,500 or more from this party. And as I sat there listening and observing watching people smoke and drink. I was amazed at how comfortable these people were, this was not how it was when I went to the swinger’s party back home. This seemed more like a house party of sort. There was music playing at an acceptable volume, people seemed to be very familiar with one another, no one was looking at anyone as if they were a piece of meet. Hmm I thought, this is very different, and now my mind was moving quickly. I can do this and add my own flair with this. If these people are greedy to have hot sex on a platter, then I will give it to them!
At this point and time I had now officially stepped into the sexual circuit. Let me say this, I have been behind the scenes of the entertainment business. I started a business with exotic performers, models, and escorting business. Which turned more into a business in where I provided extras for TV shows, and models for different events. I was now linked in with Personal assistants, and various popular cable shows. They were now all calling my phone. I have even provided girls for recording artist music videos. I went into this business feeling, thinking that I had a chance to put some decorum in this business. No prostitutes, no disrespect for the women that worked with me. Most were highly intelligent young women. However, after a very short time in the business I had started I was now overwhelmed by the drugs, drinking, loose sex, having to mother the young girls it seems all the time. I had promoted to different people and businesses. So it was at his time that I had now started going to lesbian bars, had now befriended gay men who helped me in my business. And soon was going to gay bars and clubs with men, and with my female associates.
This opened up so many doors, eyes, truths and experience. I was open with my sexuality, comfortable with my fetishes and fantasies. However, I was not one to exhibit things so publicly. So throwing myself and exhibiting raw behavior around a lot of people was never my thing. Affection and sneaking off somewhere in a secluded place was more my thing. The thrill of getting caught, being spontaneous with my lover and adventuress.
But too much sexual aggression is overwhelming for me. Only because I have been a victim of rape and a child who was molested by a neighbor and my cousin. My parents knew none of this was going on. So they say, therapist that is. That most people who have been in that position either reframe from sex or become overly zealous with it. I was the one who became over zealous with it. But if I felt that you were coming on too strong as the men did here in Erotic City of Atlanta. I was turned off and felt violated.
That is my time again, it seems as if it goes so fast. However, I will as usual pick up from whence I have left off.
Just Toy
5/2009
www.justtoywrittenexpressions.com
Sunday, April 19, 2009
MY INNER SELF IN REGARDS TO "EROTIC CITIES THE FLIP-SIDE
As a writer you come to see, find, seek, learn are taught, evaluate, calculate, observe. And develop into so many things, consciously and unconsciously. You will also see and notice a lot of things that dwell on the inside of you. Which also able you to see and discern things in others.
Writers tend to think and analyze and at times if not more than not a lot. They also can over analyze things and not see the big picture, or see too much of the big picture. Very oxymoron isn’t it?
In growing, failing, falling, not listening, not living or loving as I should have in my life. At times being so critical of those around me, as well of myself. I decided to write on something that I have been battling for most of my life. And not place myself behind any character, just be “me” To relate the true and inner me, rather that be too much for some to handle, or not enough. Rather it comes across unattractive to some. Words do speak volumes. And writers share their lives, hopes, dreams, desires, wants and needs in their writing. They tell you who they really are. Even if I take a story of what someone has given me, and I write in a novel. And places and people, scenes have changed. But the story is still conveyed. It is the ultimate decision of the writer to take you where he/she wants you to go. They have placed themselves in Alpha Omega Syndrome. They are the beginning and the end for you, it was done their way.
Because of my journey, things I have experienced, and honestly read about. They took me to all sorts of places and desires. Then there were the things that I seen, and that placed me on an entire different level with what I desired. And once I actually felt and gone through some of those things. It was then that certain vice’ and subconscious and un-subconsciously I DESIRED to have certain things and want certain things.
Let me elaborate and now get to the point of this. I was speaking to a friend of mine, telling them that if someone told you to choose your favorite food. And told you , you had to eat twice a day for a month. Afterwards you would not want to see, smell, or even taste that dish for a very long time because you had it so much. They agreed, well, in my journey of life, some of what makes me the way, and has shaped some of me in my life. It has been my SEXUAL PROWESS. And because I have been a woman who didn’t have inhibitions of or whom I was. There was no fear in expressing it verbally, showing it or giving it. Not to the point that I was or have been with thousands of men!! No, no, no. But it is a root of addiction. And I was conscience in not spreading myself thin and having sex with anyone who asked or who was attracted to me, or I them.
My journey, some things I went through as a child and a teenager. I took the wrong path with certain decisions in my life. Not truly paying attention, staying in a betwixt set of surreal emotions. Some that had me bamboozled in my way of life, or a portion of it.
As I was telling you the conversation I was having with a very close friend about eating the same thing for a month. Well, I had come to live in a place where it was overwhelming for me. And I saw myself in all of the same shenanigans, but like it was my past and I was re-living it. Like the thing (sex) I never had issues with. That is until I came to the city of Atlanta. There were people like me to the twenty-fifth power. There were people who were not afraid to ask for it, do it to whom and as many times as they liked. Here it was when I saw myself, an image, a likeness, (strong likeness) of how I PERCEIVED things. How it was okay to be who I was, because I had control and decorum. Or so I thought.
When I came to Atlanta, it was as if I had stepped into Las Vegas, everything here was legal. Even though call girl rings and prostitutes were arrested. Even though you can’t walk down the street with a drink in your hand like you can Las Vegas. The mood, the conversation, the looks, the vibe, it is very sexual. And it made me see me in so many people, and that it was so much that I was now, a woman who is sexual. Get totally turned off by all the vulgarity of it all. Not wanting to deal with me, my temptations, (and I would love to do that) off! I was now getting angry and peeved by the many men who approached me, by the many men who I had told more than several times I didn’t want to sleep with them. It was mad crazy for me!
I know about a lot of writers/authors in the literary world that write sexual trysts, stories, novels, romance, XXX literature. For me, that would have been to easy. And not what I felt would truly be me. Even as sexual and open as I am, I could not fasten myself to just write sexual literature. Again, please, this is to no disrespect to those writers/authors that do. There is a audience for all types of writers. I have written sexual things, poems, but it is still a subject that is not always comforting to me to write. How many times can you write about doing someone in different places and relationships? For me, my calling was into writing things that would make one think. Real talk, real issues, things we question ourselves about. When I write, I read, and I teach to myself as well. So I am the choir.
It is funny how you can be, live, sleep and eat in one place. And do all the same things you have done all your life. And go somewhere else and do the same exact things. But you are now seeing you, yourself in a different light. ????? This is not to say that people do not live by their lust in other cities, states, countries or Islands. And that people are not off into some crazy or menacing things other places. It was just that when I saw an image of myself to the hundredth power, I had to teach, preach and reevaluate myself and the things I thought and felt. I learned so much more of myself, people I came across in my journey in Atlanta saw and shown me so many things of myself, truths that hurt, and truths that were extremely real. And not all of these lessons were given in or around the sexual genre. No not all, I worked on improving me as a person. And saw a lot of my flaws. And a lot of my walls and guards and selfishness. But that is another story.
So I write this time with no characters, no short stories or novels, no poems. And I have been privileged and blessed to write a weekly column that I will post once the original is written on other websites. So that maybe, just maybe someone somewhere out there will understand, see, feel, and be open to the lyrical café I bring from the heart.
Maybe it will assist in one seeing themselves as I take them on a journey, a rediscovery if you will. Because in the end, all the things you enjoy doing. All the things rather they are good or bad. Some of them as you grow and put away “those childish things” you will do less of, if not ever at all. I have met a few senior citizens that play tennis, but never and not to the velocity that they did when they were young. I have met some senor citizens that are on hard drugs as well. But they don’t get high like they use to. Some things you shed is what I am saying. Some people do push it to the wire. While others grow and say “I have had enough” Now I am not saying that I will no longer have sex. Because I do want to with my husband. I am only stating that some things do have to come to and end. Rather that be clubbing, hanging with friends all the time, always at the bar, playing professional sports, you get my meaning.
I have a deeper mission here. And because this issue (column) comes from home (me) I feel what better person given the opportunity to format an article one a week about how “some of us” view sex. And why do we run so hard towards it? Why do we lust so much for it? Why does it rule so much in some of our lives? And how and where does the addiction, want, desire and need come from? Where does the journey start for a lot?
Thank you for you time, God bless……
“Just Toy”
Written Expressions
4/2009
Writers tend to think and analyze and at times if not more than not a lot. They also can over analyze things and not see the big picture, or see too much of the big picture. Very oxymoron isn’t it?
In growing, failing, falling, not listening, not living or loving as I should have in my life. At times being so critical of those around me, as well of myself. I decided to write on something that I have been battling for most of my life. And not place myself behind any character, just be “me” To relate the true and inner me, rather that be too much for some to handle, or not enough. Rather it comes across unattractive to some. Words do speak volumes. And writers share their lives, hopes, dreams, desires, wants and needs in their writing. They tell you who they really are. Even if I take a story of what someone has given me, and I write in a novel. And places and people, scenes have changed. But the story is still conveyed. It is the ultimate decision of the writer to take you where he/she wants you to go. They have placed themselves in Alpha Omega Syndrome. They are the beginning and the end for you, it was done their way.
Because of my journey, things I have experienced, and honestly read about. They took me to all sorts of places and desires. Then there were the things that I seen, and that placed me on an entire different level with what I desired. And once I actually felt and gone through some of those things. It was then that certain vice’ and subconscious and un-subconsciously I DESIRED to have certain things and want certain things.
Let me elaborate and now get to the point of this. I was speaking to a friend of mine, telling them that if someone told you to choose your favorite food. And told you , you had to eat twice a day for a month. Afterwards you would not want to see, smell, or even taste that dish for a very long time because you had it so much. They agreed, well, in my journey of life, some of what makes me the way, and has shaped some of me in my life. It has been my SEXUAL PROWESS. And because I have been a woman who didn’t have inhibitions of or whom I was. There was no fear in expressing it verbally, showing it or giving it. Not to the point that I was or have been with thousands of men!! No, no, no. But it is a root of addiction. And I was conscience in not spreading myself thin and having sex with anyone who asked or who was attracted to me, or I them.
My journey, some things I went through as a child and a teenager. I took the wrong path with certain decisions in my life. Not truly paying attention, staying in a betwixt set of surreal emotions. Some that had me bamboozled in my way of life, or a portion of it.
As I was telling you the conversation I was having with a very close friend about eating the same thing for a month. Well, I had come to live in a place where it was overwhelming for me. And I saw myself in all of the same shenanigans, but like it was my past and I was re-living it. Like the thing (sex) I never had issues with. That is until I came to the city of Atlanta. There were people like me to the twenty-fifth power. There were people who were not afraid to ask for it, do it to whom and as many times as they liked. Here it was when I saw myself, an image, a likeness, (strong likeness) of how I PERCEIVED things. How it was okay to be who I was, because I had control and decorum. Or so I thought.
When I came to Atlanta, it was as if I had stepped into Las Vegas, everything here was legal. Even though call girl rings and prostitutes were arrested. Even though you can’t walk down the street with a drink in your hand like you can Las Vegas. The mood, the conversation, the looks, the vibe, it is very sexual. And it made me see me in so many people, and that it was so much that I was now, a woman who is sexual. Get totally turned off by all the vulgarity of it all. Not wanting to deal with me, my temptations, (and I would love to do that) off! I was now getting angry and peeved by the many men who approached me, by the many men who I had told more than several times I didn’t want to sleep with them. It was mad crazy for me!
I know about a lot of writers/authors in the literary world that write sexual trysts, stories, novels, romance, XXX literature. For me, that would have been to easy. And not what I felt would truly be me. Even as sexual and open as I am, I could not fasten myself to just write sexual literature. Again, please, this is to no disrespect to those writers/authors that do. There is a audience for all types of writers. I have written sexual things, poems, but it is still a subject that is not always comforting to me to write. How many times can you write about doing someone in different places and relationships? For me, my calling was into writing things that would make one think. Real talk, real issues, things we question ourselves about. When I write, I read, and I teach to myself as well. So I am the choir.
It is funny how you can be, live, sleep and eat in one place. And do all the same things you have done all your life. And go somewhere else and do the same exact things. But you are now seeing you, yourself in a different light. ????? This is not to say that people do not live by their lust in other cities, states, countries or Islands. And that people are not off into some crazy or menacing things other places. It was just that when I saw an image of myself to the hundredth power, I had to teach, preach and reevaluate myself and the things I thought and felt. I learned so much more of myself, people I came across in my journey in Atlanta saw and shown me so many things of myself, truths that hurt, and truths that were extremely real. And not all of these lessons were given in or around the sexual genre. No not all, I worked on improving me as a person. And saw a lot of my flaws. And a lot of my walls and guards and selfishness. But that is another story.
So I write this time with no characters, no short stories or novels, no poems. And I have been privileged and blessed to write a weekly column that I will post once the original is written on other websites. So that maybe, just maybe someone somewhere out there will understand, see, feel, and be open to the lyrical café I bring from the heart.
Maybe it will assist in one seeing themselves as I take them on a journey, a rediscovery if you will. Because in the end, all the things you enjoy doing. All the things rather they are good or bad. Some of them as you grow and put away “those childish things” you will do less of, if not ever at all. I have met a few senior citizens that play tennis, but never and not to the velocity that they did when they were young. I have met some senor citizens that are on hard drugs as well. But they don’t get high like they use to. Some things you shed is what I am saying. Some people do push it to the wire. While others grow and say “I have had enough” Now I am not saying that I will no longer have sex. Because I do want to with my husband. I am only stating that some things do have to come to and end. Rather that be clubbing, hanging with friends all the time, always at the bar, playing professional sports, you get my meaning.
I have a deeper mission here. And because this issue (column) comes from home (me) I feel what better person given the opportunity to format an article one a week about how “some of us” view sex. And why do we run so hard towards it? Why do we lust so much for it? Why does it rule so much in some of our lives? And how and where does the addiction, want, desire and need come from? Where does the journey start for a lot?
Thank you for you time, God bless……
“Just Toy”
Written Expressions
4/2009
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