DIRTY DIRTY SOUTH EPISODE ONE

I will so miss this city of perversion! I can truly say that I have really had a true epiphany, a deep look within inside of myself, and I have learned what is so truly and dearly important to me living in Atlanta.

When I got here it was so adventuress and inviting! I was so wondering how I would make my mark here. What type of people would I meet here? And the thing that I loved the most was, “No one really knows me here” It was like I had been giving carte blanche to act and be who I was. Who would a person go to find out anything about me but me? Clean slate, no past lives. Not here.

However it would soon be just a mask, smoked glass with mirrors deep inside of my own soul. I would see me in so my people. And I would see how what I enjoyed consumed people like fire! Little did I know I was now living in the land of the lustful. The men and the women had a different vibe about them. Where I lived originally, you would meet people of course who were from other places, why of course. However, Atlanta was like New York if you will. A melting pot of sorts. Now not only am I speaking of people who were from different backgrounds and cultures. I am speaking of those who were from other states. Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Texas, Louisiana (mostly New Orleans victims of Hurricane Katrina) Tennessee, Virginia, New Jersey, New York (Harlem, Bronx, Brooklyn, Long Island) D.C., Connecticut, California (Bay Area-LA County) Michigan (Detroit) Illinois (Chicago) and Texas. There were people from other states there of course, but they didn’t come close to the overwhelming amount of the people that had moved here to the city of Atlanta like the states I have mentioned. These people came in a staggering amount.

In my first encounter with a man, he was much older than me; I was 39 years old when I made my move to Atlanta, the land of the lust. My youngest daughter and I were at the bus stop, I had not acquired my car as of yet. And within the fifteen minutes we waited for the bus, three cars pulled over and asked us if we needed a ride. We were both very shocked, I begin to question if I was looking like a prostitute or some cheap floozy! Mind you my daily attire when I am out is 4” to 6” heels. I have worn high heels ever since I was eighteen, I am 5”1 ½. Don’t forget the half!

My daughter and I looked at each other, her being nineteen at the time. Men honked their horns, and some may have even pulled over and gotten out of their vehicle to come speak. But never had I had any persons to this capacity pull over and ask if I wanted a ride in a time span of fifteen minutes!

Men also noticed the difference in my appearance here. I guess there really is no label you could place on me style. I do not like being categorized, and do not enjoy placing others in a box either. So just for the sake of argument, let us throw some things in the pot. Vintage funky, bohemian, glamour I would say that I gave some pretty good analogies. So I guess to see a woman dress with what I would like to consider “jazzy flair” was not of the norm. Most of the women did not dress the way I did. Which is why a lot of people asked me if I was from New York.

In befriending a man here, because I thought he was so beautiful and attractive. The body of an Adonis with a smile that could stop traffic and get anything he wanted from a woman! I saw some seedy things that he was into. And I had spoke to him a few couple of times of the bright future he could have if he stopped what he was doing. He appreciated me just speaking with him, and so the courtship on his end had begun. I may have been living in my studio apartment for two months at this time. I will call him “Stan”

Stan had now started to stop by my place, looking, waiting for me to come in or out of my place. And he seemed to always know when I was coming or going. Like clock work he would appear. Dazzling me with this Colgate smile and giving me tasty dialect because he was an extremely intelligent and astute young man. Yes, he was five years younger than me. And my lust had begun to rise deep from within.

I had convinced myself that celibacy would be the best thing for me; I too had a thing for bowing down to the lust of my flesh. Sex was a drug to me. Tired, happy, angry, depressed. What better way to get over the angst of my emotions? What better way to feel good and get high at the same time? Sex was and is a dangerous drug for me. And a person that has a form of this addiction plays sex like a weapon. But never getting so wrapped up in a person because the encounters we have had are wonderful. I have never been the type of woman to this day to get so blinded by sex that I will stay in a relationship that maybe harmful to my psyche or physical being. Too many men out in the world to endure any type of emotional torture and stay because he is pleasing my flesh.

I had to keep speaking to my inner lustful being, so that it could calm down and not get involved. I had been celibate for up to four months by this time. This is excellent for someone such as me. However Stan was getting a little close and I was now starting to get involved with what he took as my caring nature to be more than what it actually was. There are some people who take it for what it is, and some who take it for more than what it is worth. And this was how Stan took it. I was not looking for a man. I just saw an individual who needed a pep talk, some encouragement and it was taken that I wanted him! I wanted him, yes. But not as my significant other!

So it happened, I gave in to my fleshly desires and slept with Stan. Who was the wrong person at the wrong time, who later told me that he was bi-polar. And it seemed after he had released this information to me, it was then that I saw the side of him that was frightening. I would come home to hear him yelling at people using profane language. I would see how he got paranoid, how he could flip from being the sweetest person and turn into a demon if less than a second. This proved to be disastrous for me, he was now stalking me, and accusing me of being and sleeping with other men. Mind you we had not been around each other for a long length if time. It was my lust that had placed me in this precarious situation. Where I had someone literally sleeping out side of my door three mornings in a row! Someone who knew the time I would get home from work. And I was in training stressing out, scared to call the police. Not knowing the ramifications of his anger that he might break into my home. There was also an incident when I came home and he was in my bathroom! He had convinced my daughter to leave her the key, saying that I had given her permission to do so. This was a totally fabricated lie. My daughter at this time had not gotten her cell phone as if yet. And because she knew we were associating assumed it was okay. This man stalked me for two weeks!

While I was on my second week of training, I was then hit on by a very much married man, wedding band and all. He was a bit younger than me. “I just wanted you to know I think you are very sexy. I know that I am not supposed to say anything to you. But I just wanted to you to know.” Shocked and bamboozled, I looked directly at his wedding band. Looked back into his eyes, smiled and walked out of the training room. I was not the only person he had hit on, there were many he had had sex with and flirted with. He was indeed caught up in the illicit sexual domain of his lustful wants.

And when I rode the trains, walked the streets, I shopped. It was endless! This is not to say that I feel I am the most beautiful girl in the world! And I had not ever been hit on or flirted with before. However, this was out of control! To be lusted after with such velocity was extremely overwhelming! And here I thought that it would take time for me to find some man to approach and want to get TO KNOW. They were all throwing themselves at me!

Knowing that there is a problem with me in this capacity, I was now seeing things differently. I am an aggressor, but one thing I do loathe is for a man to hound me about sleeping with him. Sexual persistence and insistence is indeed a major turn off for me. And these men I had encountered so far were not interested in what I had to offer as far as my persona. The inner me, they were interested in getting me on my back.

The third week of my training we were now being sent to the actual building we would report to. Here it was, my first day around my colleagues, my first day in the break room. And as I walked out, I see a very attractive man staring my way. Now my alter ego says that I am the most wanted and beautiful woman in the world. And there is no other woman that can love or take care of a man like me. And sure I have come to believe this to a certain extent. Taking the ego out of the situation about being the most beautiful woman in the world, however this man was staring with no hesitation! I looked beside and behind me, thinking there was someone else near me he was staring at. And then he winked Hmmmm….I thought to myself. Later on that day, when lunch came around he made it a point to come and speak to me. In doing so he whispered, “Mmph, you are absolutely beautiful and a very sexy woman. I love your lips. Makes me just want to kiss you.” My mouth fell open. Please understand and know that I am a charmer, a flirt, assertive, aggressive. So far from shy I am not. However, in all of my frolicking around I use decorum. There is a time and a place for everything. And a place and time to do things, we all have walked on a wild side here and there. If it is far from whatever barriers, whelms, morals, standards. Then it can be a walk on the wild side. And some even say this when referring to trying different foods, vacations, or even riding on the back of a motorcycle. So yes there are some things I have down in my life that would be the “wild side” for me.

Atlanta, so beautiful, different, new, warm and inviting, I stayed in awe. Atlanta was also a place where it seemed to house much more than other places I had been too and felt the vibe and energy. I could roughly say that at least 85% of the women here had been with another woman. That the statistics were very high with men of the “down-low” living double lives because they do not want anyone to know they are attracted to men. The lesbians, gay men, transsexuals, and the swingers, open bi-sexuality. It as if these people were living in a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah! It was like Las Vegas, the only thing you could not do was walk out in public with an alcoholic beverage in hand. The sexual liberated thinking of this city was far more different where I was raised. We did not have (still don’t) clubs that you can actually go to, pay a fee, get in and have your choice of man or woman! A swingers club? Not by a long shot. The women and men were greedy for sex here, they gave it, wanted it, needed it, and it didn’t seem to matter how they got it. Of course I am not saying that all of Atlanta was this way. However, I hold it high in the 85 percentile. There was not one person that I did not meet that did not have sex on the brain.

So what was on my brain? How did I deal with it? What did I actually starting to feel by the valley of the lust? Well, that’s my time, and my space for this column. Until next time, episode two of Erotic Cities The Flip-Side will be coming soon.

Just Toy Written Expressions
5/2009