EPISODE THREE/EROTIC CITIES

It is so ironic, today as I was out and about focusing on me and the things that were in my future. And it seems as if since I started writing this column. My eyes have seen more, and my ears have heard more. It is the truth, I decided to go to the library and write today to get a different vibe and energy. As I left the library, I walked a very short distance to Starbucks to grab a mocha frap. As I sat outside at one of the tables, a gentleman from Brooklyn, New York approached, his line was original, however I soon found out why he had come and spoke to me. He asked if I had a lighter, which turned to be false. Because as we vibing and gelled very well with our conversation, he then pulled out a lighter!

We talked, shared, all was great. Until the end of the great conversation, of course the conversation went to sex, as most conversations do with adults. But this young suitor spoke that he was a very shy person. However how does a shy person come up with a real quick way to speak to you? And how does a shy person speak about how he will have sex with you and look you in the eye? Erotic City, here we go again.

As with the last column, I promised to finish up from where I left off. And that is with one of the most annoying men that I had suspected as being an undercover lover who is open about his attractions to women. But not as open about his attraction to men. I have come to notice, well in this incidence I am of course going to explain. There are some men that are real persistent with women and have sex on the brain all the time. Maybe you can relate this to a buddy of yours, man of course. Maybe your brother or classmate. Now what I am about to say is no offense to any heterosexual men. However, I am very leery of a man who sleeps sex, eats sex, looks at sex, is sex, breathes and lives his life through sex. Are there men who have an addiction to sex? Sure there are! There does come a time in life where we all can not have sex on the brain, regardless in myth opinion how Dr.’s have stated how often men think of sex a day. But when you are so persistent in your search and need for it, for me it raises a flag. Not with all men, and not with half. The percentile is low, however for me when a man talks about all the women he wants with you, states he wants you too. How often he is having sex, for me it is a cover up! Yes I said it and meant it. It is a cover up so that know one real know that you really are attracted to men.

This man went overboard all of the time with his sexual lust and desires. He pursued me relentlessly for “ass” however I then began to ask what type of sex he was asking for. And he literally meant what he said or asked for. So that had me question his sexuality. They say there is a first time for everything, and it is indeed. But I never had a man be so insistent in asking for anal sex! Of course the red flags are raised, and being at this company for a year and a half. Now I have others as well as this gentleman saying he is “gay” He told me that there were people at the company that would come and tell me that he was gay. He said he didn’t let it get to him. Please keep in mind, I was not seeking nor wanting to know a lot about the individuals I worked with. I wanted to have them as colleagues only; I didn’t want to hang with them after work either. I know the person you may see at work is not the same person outside of work. However I had so many people so willing to give the dirt on so many at the company. I knew that I would get to know them on my own and have my own perception of them.

When my co-worker had revealed that he loved women too much to be with a man, too much to even consider a man. It was over a period of three months that I had really spoken with him and seen another side of him that I was now attracted to. No fronts are ego grandstanding, I seen this side of him after I had turned him down profusely of having sex with him. It was not until he opened himself up that he shortly went back to being the overbearing sex fiend.

I believe that while I was here I have dated at least three men that later made me have some thoughts that they would, could, and may have been with men. I truly loathe when I feel as if I have been taken for a ride by anyone, and having the wool pulled over my eyes by a man in seclusion about his sexual attraction to men hurts, but bothers me more. And here in Atlanta it had gotten blown out of the water!

And if you are asking had I had a sexual liaison with a man that I felt went both ways, well, yes I did. I didn’t find out until after we had been intimate with each other. With two of them, I later met their friends, people they worked with, and also ran into women that were now “friends” and came to me and told me stories. Of course I immediately put the brakes on the sexual experience. I then began to investigate a little more. And I too saw the other side that was in a so-called closet.

I was told so many times by so many different people about the down-low and gay men here in Atlanta. Every man that I met seemed to be homophobic in some sort of way. I could not have a conversation with a man here without him bringing up the subject of the gays that resided here in Atlanta and how out of control it was here. If I were to put all the men that I had met from the time I moved to Atlanta, 70% had told me that they were hit on by a gay man. I am not being cruel or dislike gay men; I am making a very valid point here. The down-low population is extremely high in the city of Atlanta that gay men question most men! Why wouldn’t they? Many of them of course lead double lives. The infamous Piedmont Park hosts a night in the park where a lot of “heterosexual” men that are married, live with their significant other, engaged, or have a girlfriend. These are the men that go and have these quiet affairs with openly gay men and still pursue “heterosexual” women. And in this city of over whelming proportions, men now being more open to “try” something new. But why pursue women with a hard velocity to where now you seem like a hound? That every woman that passes you by, that you see, encounter, you have to say something. Because you are fighting to save yourself from the lust of being with a man. I do not go and sleep with a lot of men because I am fighting from being with a woman. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!!!! All the time as much as I can with any and every man?

I was now getting more and more paranoid of dating men in Atlanta. I had begun to look at all men with one eye brow raised. Can you blame me? When you have talked and spoke to men (everyone I had met) spoke on the gay men here, the down-low men. I was hearing this more from men than women. Which also had me questioning the fact of why in the very beginning of meeting a man they were speaking of the gays in Atlanta? The heterosexual company I had met and kept now had their boxers in a bunch! This was a concern for them just as it was a concern for heterosexual women. And I had met many women who knew that their husband, fiancée, or significant other slept with men. But were so hard up to have a man in their life that they accepted it. And let’s say that’s in the same origin of women being hard up and having a man who is already taken.

This is not what I was down to do. I did not want any man that wanted another man just to say I had a man. That was a mouthful! I wanted a man who was only attracted to women, so now here lies the perplexity of my situation. I had begun to now ask men when I first met them, “Have you ever been with a man?” “Are you bi-sexual?” Now I was acting as the Romans, and when in Rome this is what some do. I was slipping into the mode of offending “heterosexual” men. Just as they pleaded their case to me in regards to women asking them the same question. But I was asking because there were alarms going off all the time in my head. This had nothing to do with a man having feminine ways. It is cruel to say a person has the “look” of being a lesbian or a gay man. Now of course you can tell by the appearance of some but not all of them.

The openness of whatever, however you want it was out of control. When any man or woman (not just a few) walks up to you and openly tells you what they want from you, and what they want to give to you. I mean flirting is a beautiful thing, it truly is. I enjoy flirting and to be flirted with. Throwing myself at someone has never ever come into the forefront of my brain. Never have I thrown myself and my beliefs on anyone!

SWINGERS


The visits I had to Atlanta prior before moving there were wonderful! I saw grand opportunities, prime real estate, an overall better life than where I had come from. Rent was affordable, housing, it seemed as if they were giving houses away! There were so many places a girl like me could go and shop, eat, poetry houses, coffeehouses, lounges. And the city overall had the largest networking group that in my opinion was unheard of! It was so much more of that bohemian flavor that I craved to be around. People like me that wanted so much more and were not given the same opportunities where they originally lived. Atlanta offered so many people small business loans, and the information was not hidden from the residents. Seminars and public meetings all free, plenty of resources.

I had met and spoke with people that had taken a small hustle and made it into a lucrative business that has brought in a huge income. Example; I met a man that had started a business in taking seniors to the store and to their doctors appointments. Of course they have services with the mass transit system Marta that assisted people. But this was mostly for those with a form of disability.

What started out as helping the people that lived in the neighborhood let this man purchase a van, and now he has a transportation business where he was able to quit his full-time job! And all it took was two years to reach this echelon.

I also met two men who had started a cleaning service that would go clean offices that had sometimes one or two floors. I met this man online, and he worked it seemed all the time to get this business off the ground. Later when he had sent me a hello through the website, he had pics of the new home he was building from the ground up! It was a mansion; no way could one do that where I had come from.

Understand that I did not move here on a whelm just because Atlanta was a hot spot. It took me twenty plus years to finally move here, I knew what I wanted, and I was open to do what I had to make my dreams of a better comfortable life come true.

So now I will share with you some things that I later found out after moving here. I was told by quite a few that if I was invited to a club called “Trapeze” not to go. Well the party life, night life, club life was not in my social scheme anymore. Atlanta is very popular for its party life. I asked what was this club, and I was told it was a swingers club. A swingers club? Really? You can pay to walk into a club and have sex? This was unheard of from where I came from. We had no such things. And these clubs like the Trapeze were many and legal! I was shocked and very surprised. And the people took it as if this was normal! How can a place that was considered a part of the Bible belt, that didn’t serve liquor out of any store on Sunday have swinger clubs???

Well, my time is up again. Tune in next week for the many lives of swing Dom. Erotic Cities The Flip-Side every Wednesday!

“Just Toy”
5/2009
www.justtoywrittenexpressions.com