THE DIRTY DIRTY SOUTH

Please answer this for me….how can an individual who is an alcoholic be around another alcoholic and say, “You drink too much?” Is there any right to say so? To judge the other person so harshly? Well, as oxymoron as it sounds and is, I have been there and done that so much while living in Atlanta. A person who enjoys a healthy sex life, and enjoys the recreation come to a place and meet people that had the same outlook. But when is enough enough? And when is too much too much?

Well it is true, I was instantly turned off by so much sexual energy that exuded in the Erotic city if Atlanta that I no longer wanted to have a relationship with any man. It was too easy to have sex here, too easy.

In exchanging numbers with men at my job, whom I thought were harmless turned out to be something else later down the line. What had bamboozled me the most was not speaking on the phone at all, and out of the clear blue getting a text out of nowhere sometimes months later. “When are you going to let me go down on you?” What? I’m a little lost. We never ever had any conversation that spoke of getting with each other in that manner. Nor did we have, or at least I didn’t sense any sexual chemistry between us. And because I am, or let me say pretty perceptive if a man is attracted to me. But to all of a sudden get a text message asking me that blew me out of the water! And the text messages from various men began to blow up my phone on a regular and surprise me.

If I smiled, gave a compliment, which is something I do with all people. I am a charmer, and with that it means I will say, “Hey beautiful how are you?” Once I got to know the men and women at my job. We would hug each other and kiss each other on the cheek. Of course this was in a non-sexual way. But my actions were eventually taken to be something they were not.

And this towards the end of my tenor at the company made me become a recluse. Where I limited more and more speaking to certain people because they had my pegged wrong. How could one not know after all this time at my job that this was just who I was, but this was sexy, a turn on. Because I was so positive and inviting it took on the appeal sexual signs and that is not how I meant it t all. I have had many many people say to me, “Toy the person you are is what attracts so many to you.” And yes I do understand that. And if this were so true, then why was I still left with the feeling that I was only a sexual pawn? And not have those who wanted to befriend me (males) and work on having a great rapport with one another? Still behooves me to this day. And the factor that I had to continue to defend myself in saying that I did not want to have sex.

There is a man whom I will call “Peter” He was at that time the regional manager of the company. He was a Bible quoting, faith walking, married pastor. Spoke of the love he had for his wife. And that prayer was the answer and God will work it all out. And even though I didn’t walk the straight and narrow. I do believe in God and all of his promises. However, I am not one to teach or preach and not live my life as an example. In other words, I do not play with God at all. At first it was all innocent, “Hey baby how you doing?” “I’m fine and you?” “I’m blessed” went to giving me hugs, which was not what he was suppose to do, no physical contact at all. Which did not bother me at all, I am an affectionate person. And then it progressed. “Girl you will make me cheat on my wife.” And then he would quote a scripture afterwards. Because I worked the early shift, there was hardly t many people that came in that early. But his advances had become a regular thing. And he would then began to tell me that if I needed anything he would be there, if I understood where he was coming from. Yes I understood what he was saying. It wasn’t until about two to three weeks that I had gotten tired. Why did I not report him? I didn’t want to bring any shame to him, and I knew that I could handle him. He would lie back, and then at times come back on strongly.
I was later told that he had a young lady fired from the company because she threatened to tell on him. He did it right before she got a chance. I was also told that he had hit on a few women there, and was having an affair with the receptionist.

I do want to make a valid point here, I do know that there are people who cheat, and are very flirtatious. And that is everywhere you go in the world. I was speaking to a person that had wanted to go to New Orleans. He said that it seemed as if it was a sexy town. If that is how you would like to look at it. But New Orleans, well, that is an erotic city. So much in fact but we will talk about that city another time.

The “norm” before someone literally feels comfortable in asking you to have sex is usually when they feel your vibe. However in major cities in the United States sexual play maybe a little higher than other places. Now in small towns in the south and in states that have cities a small population, pregnancy is high. There is nothing more to do but have sex. However I am speaking more on the level of when there are so many people in a metropolitan city. And they are plagued with the sexual bug, so quick to want to get laid. If they can have it the same day or night, or even the next day, that’s even better.

When I first got to Atlanta I was excited about meeting new prospects. Start dating and enjoying life. I had put men on the back burner for a couple of months because I had so much on my plate and I was just disappointed with all the men that I had met and was meeting. None seemed to be on the same page that I was on. There would be a sexual attraction for me, but I would not have a sexual, mental, or a physical attraction. And for me when there is someone that is more into me than I am to him. I am even more turned off by that man. Unfortunately for me in some cases, I am turned off very quickly and by small things when it comes to the opposite sex. Some things can just really creep me out.

If you ever have gone to Vegas, or have even talked to anyone who has gone to Vegas. Most of them will tell you they had a great time. For those who drink, they will drink even more. And you don’t have to drink alcohol if that is not your forte. And then there is the night life, there is a club in every hotel. All types of music for all different taste. There are things for the families to do together, prostitution, rather you are into that or not. And there is plenty of gambling, and there are a lot of people that have gone and go to Vegas and they are not gamblers. My point to this is, you will get sucked up into something that Vegas offers. And one thing that the city offers is plenty of alcohol and sex.

This is what Atlanta was to me, there was plenty here being offered. Rather you decided t get deeply involved or not, it was there. However I can guarantee that someone has a close friend that has gotten into a sexual tryst here. Lost a mate here, or even participated in what goes on here. It is a real deep and psychological issue when so many people feel so comfortable with asking for sex and throwing themselves at you.

I met a man who was not only down-low and had a wife. But he had a girlfriend at the job that also was married. And he still flirted with other women when the girlfriend at work was not around. How many women can one have?

When I had first gotten here and was looking for a job, I had gone to a job fair. There was a man there that was asking me questions about the job fair. I couldn’t answer any questions. I was a new resident here as well. I could tell no need in lying here that “Marcus” was a troubled man and very well could have been running from some troubled past and trying to make a new life for himself here. A lot of people that had moved to Atlanta seemed to be running from something.

What impressed me was that Marcus had a Bible with him. This told me that he had really wanted to get his life on the right track. So we exchanged numbers. We set up a date to hang out with each other. And let me cut through the chase, this man was indeed a real nut case. In going to his house one late afternoon, we talked, he made lunch for me. Then it began, he told me that he hadn’t had sex in a long time because he was saving himself for the right woman. And he wanted to have sex with me. What made him think in the very brief tome that we had known each other I was the right woman for him? I at this point was truly celibate. And sticking to my guns, this almost resulted in a case of rape! Can you imagine? He begged and begged and begged until I had to literally scream at him. He had picked me up, and no buses were running to where I could get home. And I was not too familiar as to where my location was. It was still early, but late according to bus schedules. He promised he would take me home in the morning, I didn’t wait, and I got up, got on the bus and came home. Needless to say, I let him go. He would call and leave messages and ask me who was I with? Why would I not speak to him??? And who was I having sex with? Exhausting.

To be perfectly honest, this column has been enlightening for me. I have seen the things I have gone and been through in a different light. I also have seen as to what I thought money that was the root of all evil turn into sex being the highest commodity here. I noticed just as myself, sex was a drug to lot of these people here. When you are a drug user or an alcoholic, when the addiction has taken control. It does not matter what you do, or how you get your alcohol or drugs from just as long as you get it. This is why we will see drug addicts on the streets sharing pipes, sharing needles, and getting high anywhere. As the same with those who have let their consumption of alcohol consume them. There is no longer the preference of having the “top of the line” drug or alcohol anymore. Just as long as one can get it is what that person is looking for.

People get high, drink, eat, workout, have sex when they are sad, happy, angry, depressed and when nothing is wrong. This is now when you know that it is a vice that you have. Notice a smoker, one of the first things they will do when they get some bad news or going through it they will pick up a cigarette. Even if they just had one. Me myself and I, well I will write. It seems tapping those keys on a keyboard help me to resolve a lot of issues and something inside tales over and its as if I have released all the negative thoughts and energy. And that maybe, just maybe when someone reads my work they feel what I felt at that time. And that they can learn from the experience, knowledge, hope, and wisdom that I relinquish through my words. And as I hope by writing this weekly series that if one person feels what I have said gets it. That they may be able to see themselves. It may not be that they have an issue with sex; it may be that they have issues with other things in their life that are truly addicting.

As I have worked on episode seven, I found myself getting worn on recalling so many events that have happened frequently. As I recall certain stories with you, these are not stories that are spaced out over a period of time. A lot of these things were consecutive. And it wore me out to have to constantly meet and go through the same things over and over. To seemingly have the same conversations over and over. Exhausting.

That is my time. Stay tuned for episode eight, where I dig deeper.

Toy High
5/2009
www.justtoywrittenexpressions.com